Joke of the Day

[KG's Supra24]

Chill out guys, I think it was a play on the election results. It's not always about you

David, agree completely but the figure heads and talking points are all top drawer jokes of the day material. Save that discussion for the other thread.

In an attempt to go back on track ...

[zabooda]

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept
on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three
became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who
slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove
that...

the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws
of the other two hides.

[BensonWdby]

groan.....

[zabooda]

College Football


Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear.
In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
___________________________________________

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
___________________________________________

What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
___________________________________________

How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a sophomore course.
___________________________________________

How did the Missouri football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
___________________________________________

Two Oklahoma football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, "Look, a dead bird."
The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
___________________________________________

A University of Texas football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident.
He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
___________________________________________

What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit? "
"Will the defendant please rise."
___________________________________________

If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.
___________________________________________

How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
___________________________________________

What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
___________________________________________

University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week;
The other half will have to dress themselves.
___________________________________________

How is the Indiana football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
___________________________________________

Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?
He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
___________________________________________

How do you get a former Kansas football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
___________________________________________

[kaneboats]

[kaneboats]

It all makes sense now. Gay marriage & marijuana being legalized on the same day in Washington state.


Leviticus 20:13- "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned."



We were just interpreting it wrong.

[rdlangston13]

It all makes sense now. Gay marriage & marijuana being legalized on the same day in Washington state.


Leviticus 20:13- "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned."







We were just interpreting it wrong.

now that's funny right there! i dont care who you are

[bergermaister]

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends and family about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends. Well two days ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it

[BensonWdby]

Well this is reality = not a joke - kind of scary - yet funny
A Golden Eagle trying to fly off with a little kid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CE0Q904gtMI&sns=fb

[bergermaister]

To All My Democratic Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2013, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wish.


To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in the year of our Lord Jesus Christ 2013.