Joke of the Day

[moombadaze]

The Accident

The old man had a bad car accident involving a large truck. Weeks later,
in court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning him.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the
lawyer.

The old man responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just
put my dog into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the
question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

The old man said, "Well, I just got the dog into the car and was driving
down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after
the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in the old man's answer
and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
dog."

The old man thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, like I was saying, I
had just loaded my dog into the car and was driving him down the highway
when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my
truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and the dog was
thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move.
However, I heard the dog moaning and groaning. I knew he was in terrible
shape just by his groans.

Then a Highway Patrolman came along. He could hear the dog moaning and
groaning so he went over to him. After he looked at him, and saw what
terrible condition the dog was in, he took out his gun and shoots him
between the eyes. Then the Patrolman comes across the road, gun still in
hand, looks at me and says, "How you feeling?"

"Now, Judge... what would YOU say?"

[Roachman]

Ed, stealing my joke? I posted that on here a month ago. (but yours did sound a little better)

[kaneboats]

Did you hear what happened when the Obamas were out in the backyard of the White house tossing the football around? Obama won the Heismann trophy. Then he drove across town to show it to Henry Louis Gates and on the way he was awarded the NASCAR Sprint Cup.

[mmandley]

A couple in there 60s where at home one night. The wife came walkng into the living room stark naked and asked if he liked her outfit? The husband looked at her and asked "what are you wearing?" The wife replied "my Love dress!" The husband replied "it realy needs to be ironed"

[SEARK]

Seven Steps to a Happier You

1. Open a new/ empty file in your computer.

2. Name it 'Barrack Obama'.

3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.

4. Empty the Recycle Bin.

5. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barrack Obama?'

6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'

7. Feel better? GOOD!

[moombadaze]

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
_____

It's so bad, I ordered a er at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
_____

The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
_____

The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
_____

The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
_____

The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
_____

The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
_____

The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
_____

The economy is so bad Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
_____

The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
_____

The economy is so bad the Mafia is laying off judges.
_____

The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
_____

And finally...

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

[viking]

He just bought a new boat and decided to take her for the maiden voyage.
This was his first boat and he wasn't quite sure of the exact
Standard Operation for launching it off a ramp, but figured it couldn't be too hard.

He consulted his local boat dealer for advice, but they just said
"don't let the trailer get too deep when you are trying to launch the boat".

Well, he didn't know what they meant by that as he could barely get
the trailer in the water at all!

[zabooda]

Cowboy Chili

> A cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Medicine Bow, Wyoming .
>
> He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded
> starring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just
> sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke,
> 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'
>
> The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and, in his
> best cowboy manner, says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'
>
>
>
> Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over, slides the bowl over to his place,
> and starts spooning it in with delight.
>
> He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.
> The sight was shocking, and he immediately barfs up the chili back into the
> bowl.
>
> The old cowboy quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'