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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #241
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    Golf Joke of the Day

    These two guys were approaching the first tee. The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, “Hey, why don’t you try this ball?” He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. “You can’t lose it.”

    His friend replies, “What do you mean you can’t lose it? It's green-- I won't even be able to see it.”

    The first man replies, “Trust me, you can’t lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it.”

    Obviously, his friend doesn’t believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced.

    Finally, the friend says, “Wow! That’s incredible! Now tell me -- where did you get that ball?”

    "Oh, I found it.”
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV (sold)
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  2. #242
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    Another Golf One

    After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife decided to go to counseling.

    When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

    On and on and on she went…neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

    Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk, and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.

    The woman shut up and quietly sat down, as though in a daze.

    The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?”

    “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.”
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV (sold)
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  3. #243
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    A Love Story....

    An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

    Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.

    Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

    Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

    Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

    Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge..."

    "I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

    "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes………?
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV (sold)
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  4. #244
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    So when is this "old enough to know better" supposed to kick in?

    2001 MobiusV - Slightly Modified...

  5. #245
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    ^^^^ that had me in tears. good find Bergermaister.
    2016 Craz

  6. #246
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    Yet another golf one-- you can thank my Godfather who never gives it a rest:

    Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde.
    She hangs onto Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.
    At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?”
    Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”
    They’re amazed, but continue to ask, “So, how did you persuade her to marry you?”
    “I lied about my age”, Bob replies.
    “What, did you tell her you were only 50?”
    Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV (sold)
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  7. #247
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    A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
    Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
    Kind of makes you proud. Almost feel efficient like a hybrid...
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV (sold)
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  8. #248
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    Two guys are playing golf behind two really slow women. Finally, one guy offers to speed things up and walks down the fairway to tell the women to get a move on. But halfway to their cart, he turns around and comes back to his buddy.

    “I couldn’t say anything,” he explains. “One was my wife and the other was my mistress.”

    “No problem, I’ll handle it,” his pal says. But after going halfway down the fairway toward the women, he too stops.

    He comes back and says to his buddy, “Small world, isn’t it?”
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV (sold)
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



  9. #249
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    official new title to this thread: Kane's golf joke of the day...
    '06 Supra Launch 20SSV-gone but never forgotten

  10. #250
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    Feel free to chime in if you can find something funnier than that jacket you wear every day.
    My Mom said I'm not allowed to get wet!
    2008 LSV (sold)
    2000 Outback LS (sold)
    LLTR!!!!!!!!



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