Joke of the Day

[kaneboats]

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking hobo who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, you won't buy beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the hobo replied.
"Well, you won't do something crazy like spend the money on golf instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the hobo. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The hobo was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious for bringing me to your house?
The man replied, "No worries. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."

[kaneboats]

The Male Mind?????

A husband went to police station to report his missing wife.

Husband: I've lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Oh, 5 something . .

Sergeant: Build?
Husband: Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Uh, never noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes-- according to season, I think.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don't remember exactly.

Sergeant: Did she go in a car?
Husband: Yes.

Sergeant: What kind of car was it?
Husband: 2015 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.

. . . . . . .

[bergermaister]

NEW OUTBREAK, worse than Ebola, Beware

[rdlangston13]

NEW OUTBREAK, worse than Ebola, Beware

I like it! In fact I think I am going to have to share this one on FB.

[moombadaze]

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[bergermaister]

From my dad....


Subject: It has already started at Dick's Sporting Goods



When I was ready to pay for my purchases of bullets, the cashier said,
"Strip down, facing me.”

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control
wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out
that she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the
card-reader.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer.

I still don't think I looked that bad.

[mikenehrkorn]

LOL -- is that a true story?? I could easily see that happening.....

[bergermaister]

I seriously doubt it but you never know with my dad...

[kaneboats]

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 60 !


Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

[kaneboats]

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 60 !


Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.