The Continuing Adventures of Captain Kraig...
In our latest installment of the Continuing Adventures of Captain Kraig...
In the late afternoon, the Smiths, after having an enjoyable day on the water playing with their new boat have decided to return to the boat launch and retrieve the boat then to go and have some dinner. They are fairly famished as they left port mid-morning and did not bring any snack items with them.
As they journey back to the boat launch a fearsome thunderstorm arrives and plants itself directly between them and the route back to the boat launch. The storm increases in its intensity and the Smiths wisely turn tail and flee ahead of the storm back the way they came. After a couple hours of playing cat and mouse with the mighty storm, the Smiths are cornered like a pair of rats in a barn. With nowhere left to run, the intrepid Captain Kraig stands tall at the helm and heads directly into the teeth of the storm. After braving stinging rain and cold fierce winds the Smiths finally break through the storm into calmer weather.
Tired, hungry and soaking wet, the Smiths make their way to the boat launch.
After arriving at the boat launch Captain Kraig expertly guides the boat into the dock for his departure, bringing it parallel to the dock with mere inches separating the boat from the dock, a perfect drop off. He casually walks off the boat and onto the dock, never did the boat and dock touch, giving the boat a small push to send it back out into the lake with Mrs. Captain Kraig at the helm.
Captain Kraig then backs the truck and boat trailer into position to retrieve the boat. Mrs. Captain Kraig brings the boat in towards the trailer to drive it on as she has done numerous times before, but alas, as our story will show, not with this boat.
She is coming in hot, too hot, the capture team (Captain Kraig) wave off the crazed driver yelling at her to back off, back off, back the f off.
Pop quiz: What would you do? You are driving the boat, you are coming in far too fast, the loader waves you off and tells you to back off. Please write you answer below.
A:________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ____________________
Well Mrs. Captain Kraig plays by her own rules and thought processes, mere inches from slamming into the trailer fender she decides the best course of action is to give the boat FULL FORWARD THROLTTLE, bringing to bear the roaring thrust of the 325 HP motor as it springs to life, and she then throws the boat into a power turn to the left.
Brilliant maneuver, too bad this causes the transom of the boat to swing around shoreward as the boat pivots on the center fins, and then she deftly directs the boat into and over the rear of the trailer, Crashing loudly and dramatically into one of the trailer guide poles in the process and hitting the trailer with enough force to lift it partially out of the water, bending the guide pole just for good measure. Brilliant maneuver, one for the books, destined to be a new classic instructional of what not to do.
After the wildly aborted attempt to place the boat onto the trailer Mrs. Captain Kraig takes the boat back out, she pauses dramatically for minutes while she plots her next move.
Once decided she heads back in to begin a new attempt to park the boat onto the trailer. She is coming in hot again, too fast, recognizing the situation she determines that less thrust is called for, she hauls back on the throttle. No effect, the boat now starts drifting off course, oh the tragedy, she panics, she recalls the brilliant escape maneuver she performed just moments ago, she kicks the boat back into a full throttle power turn, but for variety she decides to turn to the right this time, this is a swell decision as she has not slammed this side of the boat against the trailer yet, these things must be taken into consideration to maintain symmetry, brilliant, I would have never thought of this under such duress.
As she departs and heads back out to the safety of the middle of the lake, Captain Kraig begins his attempts to repel an assault from a monstrous Black Widow spider. There in the water, inches from Captain Kraig is a Black Widow spider the size of his fist making remarkable progress towards him swimming through the water. Captain Kraig is shocked, more by the fact Black Widows can swim than by the fact it is headed straight for him. With a yelp and jump Captain Kraig clears the water and enters the bed of his truck, where he finds the means to defend himself from the eight legged onslaught. A stick, not much of a stick, but a stick none the less. As Captain Kraig reenters the water he engages in heated battle with the villainous creature. Like a man gone mad he wields the stick as one would a sword slashing and hacking away at the beast. Moments later the battle madness recedes and Captain Kraig notices the wicked spider has taken refuge back on the boat trailer, not a stroke had found its mark... what a poor display of stickman ship. Not to be mocked by the spider Captain Kraig pursues his tormentor and in a wild display of effort over skill he smites the horrid fiend a death blow with his fearsome stick, a mere branch, a twig really. Not wanting the gruesome remains anywhere near him, not even in the same zip code, Captain Kraig attempts to flick the carcass away from him with his trusted twig. After numerous failed attempts he splashes water at it and finally is slowly drifts away and sinks into the depths of the lake.
Having defeated his foe, Captain Kraig returns his attention to his wife who is piloting the boat back in for the third attempt to sink the boat, um, I mean to say park the boat onto the trailer.
Her aim is true, her heart is fearless, her determination is boundless. She steers the boat as the Captain would his ship into the heart of the tempest. She approaches the trailer, drawing ever nearer, her speed is great, her angle of attack perfect. She panics yet again, she cuts power to the engine, but a calmer mind prevails, rather than attempting another full throttle power turn she allows the boat to drift onto the trailer. Like a pinball she bounces the boat off of each guide pole, once, twice, three times. Ignoring the possibility of bodily harm, Captain Kraig captures the bow, he manhandles the boat to the center of the trailer, he attaches the bow strap.
Oh the humanity, the boat is still not on the trailer far enough to winch it in. Captain Kraig directs Mrs. Captain Kraig to apply forward thrust to the engine, power it on, a bit further. She is timid now, reluctant to apply throttle, finally, with much urging from Captain Kraig, Mrs. Captain Kraig applies enough forward throttle to the engine to move the boat the much needed amount so it can be winched on and the retrieval process completed.
Here ends our installment of the Continuing Adventures of Captain Kraig.
Join us next time when we take the boat out again and see how Mrs. Captain Kraig deals with her newfound terror of the boat. Can she park the boat onto the trailer, will she panic and destroy what is left of the trailer, will she inflict untold damage to the boat? These questions and more will be answered.
