What would you guys do? Hypotheticals of behavior that have truth to them

[2in2out]

WWYGD if you invited a family member for a day on your boat and they invited some random person(s) without asking you first?

Case in point. Yesterday, we had a planned day with my wife’s male cousins and her niece to go out for the 2nd trip on our boat. Cousin #1 tells us through text, and I quote, “I invited a female neighbor, but she probably won't go. “

Mind you, we’ve never met this person, and his picker for females leans heavily towards crazy and unruly. Luckily, she turned out to be decent person, but an awkward fixture in the day.

Come to find out he had invited another woman as well.

Both male cousins are chauvinists and will get terribly butthurt if my wife addresses the issue, and straight up won’t listen to her. I think they both consider me and uptight @ss, but always deal with me because of bull$h!t patriarchal issues.

How would you address this in the future so it doesn’t happen again? I know I could have the man-2-man convo with them but when I’ve done that before it’s driven a huge wedge between us.

Are we being unreasonable? Even with teenage kids we never had this scenario occur, and I haven’t made any local friends since we moved to use as a soundboard, so I could use some advice.


Making my new SA build come true!!!

[larry_arizona]

Because you asked, I see two options.

1) roll with it and be chill
2) don’t invite guests who use your boat as a tool for dating.


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[htfit]

I would do as Larry said, be a hostess if they came out and if it became an issue then they wouldn't get invite the next time. Love your family but pick your friends and who you hang around.

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[Mxmark4]

We usually will allow anybody to come out with us but our rule is no cursing if our kids are onboard. That gets tough cause my friends cuss like sailors, so I have to be the one to rein it in and it sucks. Never had any randos just show up and come out with us but we have a hard time getting anybody to want to come out with us. Address it with them and if they cant respect it, then maybe let them take the summer off from hangin on your boat. Family or not its your boat and your rules. If they cant be cool with that then let them stay home.

[brad460]

I thought it weird to be asking “male” cousins on the boat, but maybe some folks are closer to those type of relatives. Regardless, agree with Larry, you both fully realize the situation these guys are in.

I am not a people person, so when we do invite others, it’s always very close friends who have families with kids our age, or my parents or in-laws.

[Holdmybeer]

As disrespected as you feel, vent to the wife first and try to clear your head. No reason to ruin family over something trival.

If the guest was cool then you lucked out and had a good day, but your frustration kept you from enjoying and that is probably just as hard to deal with.

You either deal with them inviting others, don't invite them again, or say something and see what happens.
I had this happen before but it was a friend that brought 2 other people. Problem being my old 18ft I/O only held 7 so friend was 6...his +2 made 8. Safe to say we had 5 people on the boat that day and was easy to justify.

[2in2out]

As disrespected as you feel, vent to the wife first and try to clear your head.

My wife was more perturbed than I, and I just rolled with it. We lucked out that the guest was cool, but the notice of invite was by such design as we couldn’t say no. He had invited the two women the evening before, but didn’t tell us one was joining us until we were already on our way to pick him up. We were launching from one of his HOA launches, and needed him to come along to get us through the gate. We were committed then.

My wife and I agreed that if she was a basket case we would pull up to the closest association dock and drop her off.

We’ve already had boundary issues with these cousins which, when addressed, caused a lot of family drama for no reason hence why I’m seeking some feedback.


2022 SA 450

[HFarr]

Just curious. How old are the cousins?

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[larry_arizona]

I will say if you were using his launch access, that should afford him at least a +1…… that kinda changes things if you needed his presence to get access to a launch. Your SA can handle it.

Worst case they are added ballast, best case they are nice fun people, bonus if the ladies are hot.

Doesn’t sound like a bad time was had by anyone and maybe next time invite him and her. New friends are never a bad thing in a new town.


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[Mxmark4]

Is his launch the closest or easiest place to launch from? Now it sounds like he has you in a position where you have to take him if its the only boat launch you can use. Other wise find another ramp to use

[2in2out]

Just curious. How old are the cousins?

53 years of age. Presumed old enough to know better, and that their momma’s would be aghast at that behavior.

The one that is somewhat civilized extended the invite, the other is feral.


2022 SA 450

[Tommy2slow]

I feel that Larry is on the mark. If you have to use the family member’s launch then his bringing a +1 is reasonable. Sure, he should have probably given you better notice but he might not be familiar with reasonable boating etiquette. Sounds like the +1 was cool this time, if the others are basket cases you might have to find another launch.

[Tommy2slow]

I feel that Larry is on the mark. If you have to use the family member’s launch then his bringing a +1 is reasonable. Sure, he should have probably given you better notice but he might not be familiar with reasonable boating etiquette. Sounds like the +1 was cool this time, if the others are basket cases you might have to find another launch.

[2in2out]

Is his launch the closest or easiest place to launch from? Now it sounds like he has you in a position where you have to take him if its the only boat launch you can use. Other wise find another ramp to use

We have other launches we can go to, just our plan was this one for this event. Our options are becoming limited because ramps are closing everyday due to low water levels.


2022 SA 450

[larry_arizona]

We have other launches we can go to, just our plan was this one for this event. Our options are becoming limited because ramps are closing everyday due to low water levels.


2022 SA 450

If your ramp options are disappearing, perhaps dealing with your wife’s cousin is worth it.


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[larry_arizona]

We have other launches we can go to, just our plan was this one for this event. Our options are becoming limited because ramps are closing everyday due to low water levels.


2022 SA 450

If your ramp options are disappearing, perhaps dealing with your wife’s cousin is worth it.

Never burn bridges…..or launches!!!


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[2in2out]

If your ramp options are disappearing, perhaps dealing with your wife’s cousin is worth it.

Never burn bridges…..or launches!!!


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The launches in his HOA will be closed before we head out again if we don’t get significant rainfall, so it’s a non-issue.


2022 SA 450

[mgswake]

I’m starting to worry that this will be a non issue. Are there going to be any ramps open for you?

[2in2out]

I’m starting to worry that this will be a non issue. Are there going to be any ramps open for you?

There are several others open. We’ve only been out on the weekends because that’s his only free time. My wife and I can go midweek days with much more frequency.

Wifey (boat captain) and I talked it out today, we’ll set the ground rules, and if he pulls the same stunt again, we just won’t invite him out anymore. He has his own ghetto ‘tooner that he could take out if he wants to get on the lake. We’ll deal with the family drama like we always do, radio silence and patience.

The drought is more frustrating to me than the original issue. We left severe drought to find it again.


2022 SA 450

[vdubnick]

thats nothing... how about when the person you invite brings their little rat dogs.... long day on the beach for them is what i say.

[SONIC]

Uninvited guests do suck, we've had it happen a few times as well and it's certainly awkward to say "yeah no we only invited you".

The way I look at it people have a few strikes on their invite, screw up a time or two no big deal but there comes a point when you stop getting invited.
I've got one friend who's girlfriend just sucks and ruins everyone's time every time so they just don't get invited anymore a little awkward but hey I'm not letting someone else ruin everyone's day on the lake.

A simple"Hey we like to plan ahead for the number of people on the boat so we can have the right number of life jackets, food, beer etc so please let us know ahead of time if you're bringing someone and be ready for us to say no if we don't have the room" shoudl work fine.

We said no to someone's plus 1 on memorial day as we already had 10 and I don't like more than that if the water is cold. They understood fine and it wasn't an issue.

[HFarr]

That's when saying we have gators in the lake comes in handy. Gators love dogs!

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[scotthons]

thats nothing... how about when the person you invite brings their little rat dogs.... long day on the beach for them is what i say.

I had my sister-in-law show up at the ramp with their black lab after I told them no. It is already a tight fit on our 21V with our 3 kids and their 2. Of course, I look like the A-hole when I tell them not a chance and one of them had to stay back to look after the dog.

[bergermaister]

+1 is tolerable usually. +several or +dogs, nope. My boat, my rules.

You can always give it a try and if the crazy comes out, then you call it early and head home. Sucks maybe, but a short crappy ride is better than a long painful day gritting your teeth...

I have in-laws who don't seem to understand that 10+ people on the boat is not fun. I play the card, "I'm not being an a-hole, but it's not safe and we can't ride with so many onboard" "And I have enough lifejackets but not all the right size for everyone so if we get checked, and we often do..."

[PatL]

I’ve run into this a few times. I’ll let it go once but if a recurrence They don’t get invited back. U can’t let people ruin ur day at the lake. We all do a lot to maintain our boats and we want to enjoy them.

Too bad I don’t live farther south or I’d use that gator argument from HFarr. Lol.


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[larry_arizona]

The life jacket limit is brilliant.


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[trace]

Personally, I'd let the first one go and be chill about it. If they were humble/apologetic about it like asking a favor, they'd get another invite with clear instructions the second time, if they were presumptious and disrespectful about it, they wouldn't get another invite.

[HFarr]

I’ve run into this a few times. I’ll let it go once but if a recurrence They don’t get invited back. U can’t let people ruin ur day at the lake. We all do a lot to maintain our boats and we want to enjoy them.

Too bad I don’t live farther south or I’d use that gator argument from HFarr. Lol.


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[PatL]

Yes! Or where I boat I can mention bull sharks. We get dolphins and bull sharks very occasionally up in the Potomac from the Chesapeake bay.


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[Jimm]

First off, I wouldn't have them anywhere near me or my family if they are as chauvinistic and/or misogynistic as I sense from your description. Wouldn't take the chance my wife gets insulted, disrespected or belittled and if my daughter was around...um...hell no, not with a fox or in a box or on a train and certainly not on my damn boat. Cousin or no cousin, they better know how to act...or swim. At least tread water.
Like a lot of others, once is reluctantly tolerable, twice and they better enjoy the day as it will be the last one they spend on my boat.
If you're invited somewhere, even by family, it takes nothing to say, "Hey, would yall mind if I asked so and so to come along?" Showing decency to others isn'tdifficult and should take precedenceas a guest. But most everyone I know understands full well that I'm not dealing with crazy ass people to being with. Except that my best friend is married to one and I can't avoid him...unfortunately.