Joke of the day

[SEARK]

Since the season is winding down I thought it would be time to start the Joke of the day thread again to give everyone a smile till it's time to start hitting the lake again.



Boudreaux's BP Job:

Down in Lafourche Parish , Louisiana , Boudreaux gets a job with BP helping with
the cleanup. He reports for work and is told to speak to a supervisor about his
assignment.

He finds the man and asks, "Okay boss, what it is you want me to do"?
The supervisor tells him to go to the animal shelter and clean the
pelicans.
Two hours later, Boudreaux comes back to the supervisor and says, "Okay, dey
all cleaned. You want me to cook some rice ?

[lewisb13]

And the dialect is 100% spot on becuse they cant pronounce the letter "R".

[rc5695]

lol! Good joke.

[newty]

There are people spending $100,000 on mastercrafts!:p ba-dum-tish

Sorry, thats all I got.

BTW pelican tastes a lot like spotted owl.

[sandm]

just for you newty:

A man is defending himself at trial after having been caught by a game warden just as he blew a Spotted Owl into a flurry of feathers.

After reading the charges, the judge, well known for his environmental sympathies, gravely announced that since the species concerned is in danger of imminent extinction, he would have to make an example out of the defendant.

The man, waxing eloquent, said he was very sorry for what he'd done, but that he was totally destitute and needed the bird to need his hungry children. All he had to his name, he said, his coice cracking with emotion, was the little bit of bird shot he had left in his gun.

The judge took off his glasses to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, and after regaining his composure, told the defendant he would let him go with a warning this time.

The man beamed with pride as he started out of the courtroom.

Just then, the judge called out, "Oh, by the way, what does a Spotted Owl taste like?"

The man's face came alive as he turned around and said, "Your honor, it's hard to describe. Sort of a cross between a Bald Eagle, a Whopping Crane and a California Condor."

[SEARK]

*Biology Class - final exam.*

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1.) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3.) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.

And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...

7.) It comes in 2 cute containers.

He got an A.
:D

[flex]

les miles, the head football coach for lsu. :D

[SEARK]

les miles, the head football coach for lsu. :D

Thank goodness he's yall's joke. Arkansas sent theirs to Ole Miss. :D

[flex]

that's a good joke too! tiger fans would do anything for petrino now.

[zabooda]

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

[BensonWdby]

Insight in sleeveless plaid...

[kaneboats]

That's funny right there. I don't care who I am.

[jamie_abb]

What's long and hard on a moomba owner?

[jamie_abb]

Winter x

[SEARK]

Visconsin Luck
Ole, a furniture dealer from up at Beldenville, WI, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.
After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Ole couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner..... after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Ole has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.

[SEARK]

I stopped by the Toyota Dealership yesterday for a look at the new Tacoma. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct.

The salesman (wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

Feeling like messing with his mind, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck. Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck. I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, the seats would blow smoke up your a** year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership. Damn guy had no sense of humor.

[kaneboats]

Dallas, TX (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Dallas
County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over
who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by
his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in
keeping with child custody laws and regulations requiring that family
unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court, however, when he proclaimed that his aunt
beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with
her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents,
the boy cried and said that they also regularly beat him.

After considering each of the remaining family members and learning
that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the
judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who
should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal precedents and confer with Child
Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas
Cowboys professional football team, whom the boy, the court and
everyone else in Dallas firmly believe are not capable of beating anyone.

[kaneboats]

What if the Indians had given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey?

Would we all be looking forward to a piece of a$$ tomorrow?

[SEARK]

Groundhog day 2011



This next year, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address occur on the same day. As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition of events; one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication while the other involves a groundhog."